Ch. 15 The Hazan and Shaver Model

Researchers Hazen and Shaver provided a simply way of identifying attachment styles. There are three types of attachment styles. The first is secure attachment and these people are described as being comfortable with intimacy and closeness, prepared to trust and depend on others and able to acknowledge distress and ask for help. The second type is avoidant attachment. People who use the avoidant attachment style do not trust others and would rather be independent and self reliant and also have emotional distance. The last attachment style is anxious/ambivalent. These people grew up with anxiety because they were afraid of being left alone. They are ok with closeness according to the text but often fear the ones they love will abandon them. Hazen and Shaver listed three responses to a single question “ Which of the following best describes your feelings?”

I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting close to me.
I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and love partners often want me to be more intimate.
I find that others are reclucant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or wont want to say with me. you want to merge completely with another person.
I choose response number one which is the secure attachment style. I really have no problems being intimate with another person and being close. I know some people shy away from being close to someone but it really doesn’t bother me at all, I love being close with people. Now just because I use the secure attachment and enjoy being close to people doesn’t mean I am close with everyone and trust every single person I know. I have no issues depending on people and I comfortable with having people depend on me.

Ch. 13 Conflict Styles

While dealing with conflict researchers have concluded there are five different styles that people use.

1.Competing style- low concern for others and high concern for self. This style is very assertive.
2.Accommodating style- High concern for others and low concern for self. This person is cooperative, and unassertive.
3.Collaborating style- high concern for self and others. This style is assertive and cooperative.
4.Withdrawing style- Little concern for self and others. People who use this style tend to avoid the situation.
5.Compromising style- moderate concern for self and others. Shows moderate amounts of assertiveness and cooperation.

I hate to admit it but I feel that I use the accommodating style. I really hate conflict and sometimes feel uncomfortable when it does arise. Some advantages of accommodating style is that people can show reasonableness, can improve relationships, can keep another person from harming them. Disadvantages are may communicate lack of power, requires sacrifice of goals. I am usually pretty accommodating and I find that I get less conflict that way however I do feel that I lack power when I communicate. I think it is ok to be accommodating sometimes but I do feel that I need to show more assertiveness and stand up for myself more.


I am always accommodating to people because at times I feel it is best to be nice and that minimizes conflict. However I do need to assert more assertiveness and defend myself more.

Ch. 12 Culture and Self-Construals

According to the book compliance behavior is strongly affected by personality differences and by culture and culturally defined self-construals. There are many cultural differences in compliance behaviors. For example Japanese people use a wider range of tactics than Americans and are more likely to use positive tactics such as promise, positive expertise, and positive esteem. Japanese people try to avoid conflict while Americans almost rely on and expect a confrontation of ideas, reasons, and arguments. Last semester in my Comm 173 intercultural global communication I wrote a paper on Asian international study students who came to America for school. My research found that many Asian students who studied in Asia as children were taught to be quiet in class and to never question their teacher. However when Asian students came to America for school many of them had difficulties with their professors. American Professors expect students to participate in class and ask questions and challenge their ideas and often many Asian students felt uncomfortable challenging and questing teachers.

Ch. 11 Stages of Coming Apart

I really found this section great because I think everyone can relate to it because everyone has been in some sort of relationship whether it be romantic or platonic that ended. There are five steps and they are differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating. I think I can relate to avoiding the most, I hate conflicts so for the most part I just end up avoiding that person and it hints to them that hey I really don't want to talk to right now and something is wrong. I know it's not the best method to start off with but usually when you start avoiding people they know something is wrong.

Ch. 10 Maintaining Platonic Relationships

The book proposes an interesting question, is it possible to remain friends with someone you find attractive? I believe the answer is yes, you can maintain a friendly relationship with someone you find attractive. Platonic relationships are friendships that lack sexual involvement despite possibilities for such involvement.

I have many friends who are the opposite sex as me and I am able to maintain a platonic relationship with them even if I do find them attractive. To be honest sometimes I think it's more fun to hang out with my guy friends every once and while and it doesn't have to involve flirting or anything like that, I just enjoy being in there company.

Web Lecture: Interpersonal Attraction

I really enjoyed reading this web lecture because I believe Interpersonal attraction is something everyone can relate to. I really found the section about Anthropological perspectives interesting and very true.

Anthropological perspectives focuses on physical beauty as the base of interpersonal attraction. According to the web lecture what constitutes beauty culturally changes over time. Individuals place a big emphasis on physical attractiveness in romantic relationships. Physical beauty is often associated with good and physical ugliness is often associated with bad. I believe everyone can relate to this theme because ever since we were little we were taught in movies what beauty is and what constitutes as ugly such as the example of the Joker in Batman the Web lecture discusses.

I think there are a lot of great people out there but because of are strong emphasis on physical beauty many people might not escalate a romantic relationship with that person because our society constitutes them as unattractive.

Ch. 9 Disadvantages of Escalating Relationships

As there are advantages to forging intimate relationships there are also disadvantages to escalating relationships. Although it is great to be open with a other person it can also leave you personally exposed and in a vulnerable position. All information you shared in a relationship might be revealed to cause harm and embarrassment. Also if you are in a romantic relationship and the other partner ends the relationship a person can experience heartache and lost of trust. Escalating a relationship can also open a person to interpersonal aggression.

The books says people are more likely to be malicious and hurtful in close relationships than they are in social relationships. It's a little crazy to think we hurt the ones we love the most but it is true. I am not sure why people do this but I see it so much, we claim we care for each other but in the end we just end up hurting each other. You see this often in romantic relationships were couples hurt each other, in most cases we are often hurt by the ones we love the most.

However some of these disadvantages mentioned cause some people to avoid establishing relationships all together. I believe escalating a relationship does involve risk and trust, if you never take that risk you just might miss out on a great relationship whether it be a romantic or friendly relationship.